In His Name, be He glorified!

Having received a summons from Samsun, I am presenting my brief reply to its panel of judges:

First: I did not send the article. All my friends here know that.

Second: By reason of my severe illness due to being poisoned, which was an assassination attempt by my covert enemies, I have been able to attend only once the mosque next to me here. I therefore tender the legal request to have the trial transferred from Samsun Court to Eskişehir, which is near here‥