My Dear, Loyal Brothers!
It was imparted to my heart that I should explain to you a few matters concerning my person.
Firstly: Sometimes, when I have been angry at and scolded some of my select brothers due to their thoughtlessness when serving my person and I have seen them to be less than kind to me, it has occurred to my heart that
due to their excessively high opinion they surmise that “If our Master so wishes, some spirit beings and jinns as well will serve him, and perhaps they do. The clear manifestation of providence in the Risale‑i Nur's service shows that no opportunity is given for his wretchedness; he does not need our kindness.” And they are faulty in serving me. In fact, today someone was going to bring a car, but due to their thoughtlessness, I set out on foot. I suffered the hardship of ten hours in a single hour. A few days ago I said the following to those of them who act thus inconsiderately and now I am repeating it; you may listen too:
Just as the inner meaning of sincerity strongly restrains me from exploiting the Risale‑i Nur and the work of serving belief for worldly ranks and high places for myself in the hereafter; so too, I shrink from exploiting that sacred service for my personal ease and comfort or to pass a pleasant, troublefree life in this world. For since consuming the eternal fruits of the good works of the hereafter on trivial pleasures in this fleeting life is opposed to the inner meaning of sincerity, I tell you certainly that if the servants from among the spirit beings and jinns that the ascetics who abandoned the world sought and accepted were to every day bring me the finest remedies when I was hungry and wounded, for the sake of true sincerity I would know myself compelled not to accept them. Even, if some of the saints in the Intermediate Realm were to assume forms and give me sweets and baklavas out of respect for the service we perform for belief, both my soul and my heart would agree not to kiss their hands and accept them so as not to consume briefly in this world the everlasting fruits of the hereafter. But on condition the evil-commanding soul does not interfere, with all my spirit I accept such merciful bestowals as blessings proceeding from divine providence without our intending them.
Secondly: On the Pasinler Front during the Great War, the late Molla Habib and I were moving forward with the intention of attacking the enemy. Their artillery fired three shells at us at one or two minute intervals. The three shells passed right over our heads two metres high, and although our soldiers were concealed in the ravine behind us and could not be seen, they retreated. By way of a test I said:
“What do you say, Molla Habib, I'm not going to hide myself from the shells of these infidels?”
He replied: “I'm not going to fall back either, I'll stay behind you.”
A further shell fell very close to us. Certain that divine succour would preserve us, I said to Molla Habib:
“Forward! These infidels' shells can't kill us. We won't deign to draw back!”
Also, during the siege of Bitlis, on the front lines, I was hit by three Russian bullets which should have killed me. One pierced my shalwars and passed between my legs, My state of mind was such that I did not deign to crouch in the trenches in that perilous situation, The commander, Kel Ali, and the governor, Mehduh Bey, heard of this, and although they said: “He should draw back or enter the trenches!” I declared: “These infidels' shells can't kill us!” and attaching no importance to them, took no precautions at all at that time of youth, and did nothing to protect my life. But now, although I am eighty years old, an extraordinary contradiction is apparent: I am in a state of mind whereby I am extremely careful and guard my life and shun dangers to the extent of having scruples about it. Of course, there is a significant instance of wisdom and purpose in preserving one or two years of old age and pleasureless life to this extent when that young life was sacrificed fearlessly, and there are two or three aims:
The First: With their machinations, our malevolent covert enemies, some unofficial and some official, direct all their assaults at my person instead of at the Nur students and they are preoccupied with me, and without knowing it, imagine all importance to lie in myself. Thus, this elderly, wretched life of mine is a means of saving the Nur students to an extent from their stratagems and attacks. For the sake of my brothers, therefore, I temporarily look on it as having the importance of ten lives of the Old Said.
If I were to withdraw, the difficulties inflicted on me would be inflicted on my select brothers, whom I love more than life. Then one difficulty would become a hundred.
The Second: It is true that like perfect Saids, my select brothers are each devoted to the Risale‑i Nur, but since after sincerity, our greatest strength lies in solidarity, and due to differences in temperament solidarity has been shaken to an extent as it was in prison; owing to the possibility of significant harm occurring to the Risale-i Nur's service, I feel myself obliged to guard this old, sick, wretched life of mine until The Flashes and The Words Collections are published, and the calamity is repulsed of the hojas being scared away from the Risale-i Nur due to such traits as fear and jealousy, and the solidarity between our brothers has become quite firm. For since undergoing lengthy trials, neither the courts nor my enemies could see my hidden faults, and since owing to divine protection they could not com- pletely discredit me, they were unable to prevail over the Risale-i Nur. But I felt alarmed that they might discredit some of my heirs, the young Saids, who are inexperienced in matters related to the life of society, and might slander them, causing harm to the Risale-i Nur. I even found it necessary to obtain a second revolver, although I already had one. The poison administered by our enemies was renderered ineffective through our brothers' prayers; so also will their other conspiracies be thwarted, God willing.
In Short: The same night that there was a total two‑hour lunar eclipse, two men came here from Ankara, sent by our enemies who had asked us for the Nur collections. Surmising on the second day that we had not sent the thirty-six collections that we had sent, in order to learn the books' whereabouts and to inform the one or two Masons who held high official positions in Afyon, and to search my room and put poison in my food and drink receptacles in my two rooms, which were locked, the two men climbed onto the roof and in extraordinary fashion broke in without dam- aging the windows in either room. The room I was sleeping in was locked, so they could not harm me. Divine protection and providence did not allow them the opportunity.
I was going to write about more important things, but my indisposition exclaimed: “Enough!” It is absolutely essential to always act with caution, sincerity, solidarity, without being shaken; to perform our duties and not interfere in God's business; to act in accordance with the rule of … illuminates discreetly, and not to feel alarmed or despairing. Once again I say,
there have been no persons in history who have performed the valuable services of the Nur students with so little trouble for such vast spiritual gains. Sometimes an hour's watch in arduous conditions may be the equivalent of a year's supererogatory worship; similarly, God willing, the hours spent by the Nurjus serving belief and the Qur'an will each gain for them hundreds of hours of merits.
I send greetings to all the brothers and sisters, and pray for their well‑being in this world and the next, and request their prayers.
The truly devoted Zübeyir came to my assistance here at a time of great need, just when I urgently required help. I was otherwise going to ask for someone from Isparta who works in that way.